Couples Counseling
Your therapist
Daniel Kotsias, LMSW
Training in Gottman therapy
How did it get like this?
It probably feels like yesterday and yet also so long ago that you and your significant other were feeling connected and in sync. Now it feels like every day is an emotional wrestling match to see who can “win” and make the other person lose.
What you and your partner are experiencing is normal and common and the fact that you are here reading this can be a first step toward understanding what you and your partner need. Couples counseling offers space to explore communication, conflict, and connection, with goals shaped around both partners’ needs. Our Bingham Farms office is conveniently located for Birmingham, Bloomfield Hills, Bloomfield Township, and Southfield. Daniel Kotsias, LMSW, offers in-person and telehealth couples counseling for clients in Michigan.
How couples counseling can help
The first question we need to ask is what exactly are we fixing. At The Clarity Clinic, we use approaches that help partners understand communication and recurring relationship patterns. The Gottman method was invented by John and Julie Gottman and involved their famous Seattle Love Lab. In this “lab” a number of couples were studied day and night as they went about their ordinary lives. Through the findings of the study, John created an intervention based on knowing one’s partner, communication skills and turning to each other instead of turning away. Another approach we use is called the Bridging Approach.
The Bridging Approach is a three-step process that involves understanding and respecting each other's perspectives, finding common ground, and integrating unique perspectives into a stronger and more resilient relationship. This approach helps couples to communicate in a constructive and respectful way, creating a safe and supportive environment for them to explore their issues, build trust and connection, and mark important moments in their journey.
One of the key techniques used to facilitate communication is "The Imago Dialogue." This structured form of communication allows couples to express themselves in a way that is both honest and compassionate. By actively listening to each other's perspectives and feelings, couples can gain a deeper understanding of each other's needs and desires.
Another important technique used is "Active Listening." This involves giving each partner the opportunity to express themselves without interruption or judgment. By creating a safe space for open and honest communication, couples can work towards finding common ground and building a stronger foundation for their relationship.
In addition to these communication techniques, "The Appreciation Exercise" and "The Encounter Process" help couples develop a greater sense of appreciation and gratitude for each other. By focusing on the positive aspects of their relationship, couples can build a stronger sense of connection and create a shared vision for their future.
OK, maybe couples counseling works, but there are so many barriers.
What if my partner doesn’t want to come to couples counseling?
Often, in relationships, one partner will be in a different stage of change than the other. This can result in one partner desiring couples therapy and the other refusing to go. In this situation, we recommend the motivated partner begin with individual therapy, as this can often provide clarity and strength within the individual. At times, the individual may learn effective communication strategies to allow the other partner to attend therapy. Other times, the partner may decide to accept the things about their relationship they cannot change and continue forward in the relationship. There are unfortunately also times where the individual will come to realize the relationship has become toxic and decide to end the current relationship and move on. While this option is frequently painful in the short term, people can experience mixed feelings and benefit from individualized support.
Does attending couples counseling mean the likely end of my relationship?
Couples often don’t attend counseling due to the fear and stigma around the phrase. Individual therapy has become more popular and widely accepted in our culture, but couples therapy lags behind. This is likely due to the misconception that couples in therapy are on the brink of divorce. This is sometimes the case, but often couples just want to improve the quality of their relationship and their quality of life.
It may be cliche, but there may be options to explore when both partners are motivated to work on the relationship. Even taboo topics such as emotional and physical affairs can be discussed in therapy, although outcomes vary.
But I’ve heard couples counseling doesn’t really work.
The approach a therapist uses and the fit with both partners can affect the experience of couples counseling. It can help to ask how sessions are structured and how progress will be reviewed.
We at the Clarity Clinic, use evidence-based approaches tailored to the individuals’ and couples’ needs. We also are able to refer an individual from the couple for individual therapy if we deem there are individual problems interfering with the work of couples therapy.
Does insurance cover couples therapy?
There is currently a private-pay policy for couples therapy at our clinic.
Insurance participation for individual therapy varies by therapist and plan. If you are unsure whether individual or couples therapy fits your needs, ask your therapist about the clinical options and confirm any coverage with your insurer before scheduling.
Our private-pay fee is $250 for a 55-minute couples session with both partners together. Contact us to confirm the fee and discuss payment questions before scheduling.
Still Skeptical? That's OK!
It is completely understandable that you would still feel hesitant after merely reading some information from a website written by someone you don’t know.
For this reason, we offer appointments to determine if our therapists are the right fit for you and your situation.
Feel free to reach out!
